Saturday, December 31, 2011

It's been a while, right?

Sorry, readers that don't exist, I've been busy lately. School is eating my brain but hopefully the pressure will go down once I actually make it to Level 3.

I've been having a lot more body image issues lately... Mostly because I sit in a room full of gorgeous women every day, hearing most of them complain about how they need to lose five pounds and they're so fat and disgusting... Thing is, I have way more than five pounds to lose. So if they all think they're so gross, God knows what they must think of me.

I can't afford to eat well, either, because I still haven't found a job. I live on macaroni and cheese, cereal, and hot dogs. It's not a good diet. And by the time I get out of school in the afternoons, I'm so exhausted because I don't sleep more than a few hours at a time, so I end up just sleeping for a while when I get home. So my main source of exercise is running around the school 20 times a day trying to find product and clean things up and all that, which is decent but it doesn't seem to do much.

I really need to make myself start doing yoga again. And I really want to get into bellydancing, once my flexibility is back up. My resolution this year is to make more of a real effort to get fit, because I know I'm capable of losing the weight, I just lose motivation because it feels like nobody but me cares. The only reason I think it matters to others is because people are nicer to you when you're thin. When you're larger, people act as if they're afraid they're going to catch your fatness. It's sad.

But hopefully at least after I pass my State Board test I can get a decent job and can afford better food. I doubt anyone's going to hire me knowing that I'll be graduating in four, maybe five months. We'll see.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

I might explode from all the cuteness! Allow me to gush for a moment!

Okay, so, I was sad a few months ago when Benicio Del Toro, AKA my future husband (ha, in my dreams, of course) announced that Kimberly Stewart, daughter of Rod Stewart, was pregnant with his child after a short fling. I was disappointed, but eventually I realized that he's a human being too and just as susceptible to things like this as anyone else. So after a while I was just waiting to see his baby when he or she was born.

She arrived in August, and her name is Delilah. We've only just now gotten pictures of her (in the UK celebrity rag Hello), and she. Is. A. DOLL.

Just look at her! She looks just like her daddy (he said recently he thinks she looks like his mother, but some of his family thinks she looks like his father, who I think he really resembles). She's got his eyes (in blue, instead of hazel) and his nose.

I have to hand it to Kim, this is the first time she's really made anything public. She kept a low profile, probably at Beni's request, and she didn't immediately just go out and start selling pictures. She waited a couple of months, which was really surprising, given that she's been prone to fame-whoring in the past.

But still, what a little angel. And in the original article (found here) Kim says that Beni is very involved, which is awesome. It makes my fangirl heart pound.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Holy crap, another giveaway!

The Crow and the Powderpuff has reached 1000 followers, so there's a massive giveaway to be entered, including samples from MAC, Fyrinnae, Sugarpill, and some lippies from Morgana Cryptoria! Check it out here!

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Monday, September 5, 2011

Long time, no posting.

I've been in a weird mood lately. I'm so easily depressed at the moment... I have no idea if it's some sort of hormonal imbalance, or a side effect of my birth control, or what.

It feels like I cry all the time. Just tonight, I was on the phone with my mom, telling her I found these two prints I had ordered for her a few years ago for Christmas that had ended up with my stuff... and I've had them for a long time. They've been in my room for AT LEAST two years, and I've always known my stepdad didn't want them in the living room or the kitchen because they "didn't match", which is laughable because that is the most schizophrenic design scheme I've ever seen- beach stuff, wine stuff, Italy stuff, classical statues, vintage things... Yeah. Some motif he's got going on in there.

But tonight, it seemed so much worse... Yeah, it's always hurt that my present for my mom wasn't good enough and I ended up with it, but this is the first time I've mentioned it. Somehow I just couldn't keep from saying something... My mom didn't even remember, she had to think about it for a minute because it had been so long since she'd seen either picture. It's a small thing, not really important, but it kind of hurts to think that a gift bought out of love wouldn't be good enough to be displayed with stuff bought at a yard sale.

Anyway... End rant.

Monday, August 1, 2011

People suck.

Okay, so I must have missed a memo or something because when did it become alright to make fun of people in public?

Today was a pretty quiet day. I got up early, hung out for a few hours, saw a movie, and went to the store to pick up a couple of things. I chose to wear a black and white lace dress, black leggings, my everyday shoes. My makeup was pretty simple- sheer, white eyeshadow with multicolored sparkles, black eyeliner, and shimmery blue lipgloss. I didn't choose a blue lippie to "be different", attract attention, scare children, or anything. I simply wanted to wear this really cool color that I'd never worn in public; I'd only ever played with it at home.

I got some stares. That's okay, blue lips aren't something you see every day. A little girl freaked out when she saw me, that's okay too. It was cute so I let it slide.

What got to me was this grown woman pointing me out to her friend and quietly laughing at me. While I was looking right at her and could plainly see what she was doing. Now, I realize that I had something weird on my face, but that doesn't give her license to make fun of me. I didn't point and laugh at her because she was wearing pyjamas in public. I wouldn't stoop that low.

I'd been totally fine up until that moment. But the second I realized someone was ridiculing me, I couldn't help but feel a bit low.

Maybe I'm just tired. I do have to get up and go to school tomorrow.

If I have something else to say, I'll post it. Until then...

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

(Nearly) Everything is WRONG.

The last week has been... very trying, to say the least.

I've moved into my new house, I started at my new school today, and my fucking A/C unit is dead so I have to get that replaced... I would've appreciated knowing that before I sat there in a 95-degree house waiting for the repair guy to show up (I was told 2-6 PM, he showed up at 8:30 PM) all Goddamned day on Monday.

I've barely been eating. Just enough to keep me going. I don't do well in this heat and when it's oppressively hot no matter where you go or what you do, it's hard to even think about food without wanting to barf. I haven't slept more than 3-5 hours a night since my birthday. So for about a week I've been surviving on air and stress and less than I ate when I was five years old. Imagine how fun that's been.

Aside from all that... I think I'll like my new school. It's a tightly-run ship. The owner is very well-respected in the industry- she's helped design equipment and skincare lines all over the world. It's well worth the $7500 I'm paying to go there. Much more professional than my old school, and it's so clean and nice-looking.

I'm getting cable and internet installed on Saturday so I'll be able to post when I have something else to say. Until then.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Glitter is My Crack is having a giveaway!

Check it out here- Blix has got two full collections of eyeshadows (Shifty-Eyed and Murder Mystery) and a full collection of lipsticks (1920's), as well as some really cool jewelry she made herself.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

So I'm getting a house.

We're supposed to go up on Thursday to sign the paperwork.

I'm so stressed out right now it's not even funny- I have so much shit to pack up and organize. So it'll be quiet over here for a few days, not that I'm assuming anyone cares.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go throw some books into a box.

Monday, June 13, 2011

What a disappointment.

Last night, I decided to give a movie another try. Several months ago, I saw that a movie called The Pledge was playing on TV. Having heard that it was really great from a few online friends, or at least parts of it, I turned it on to see what they were talking about.

The scene I'd come in on was the interrogation of Toby Jay Wadenah (played by the always-brilliant Benicio Del Toro, who was wearing some truly heinous extensions), a mentally handicapped Native American suspected of raping and brutally murdering a seven-year-old girl. The scene was intense, engaging, and a little sad, because Stan Krolak (Aaron Eckhart), the detective who was interviewing him, was clearly suggesting and leading to get a confession because he knew that Toby would be an easy target. The first time I watched it, I turned the channel after Stan's little victory dance when Toby confessed. It made me so angry; if you have any passing knowledge of how to deal with mentally handicapped people, you know that everything about the way Detective Krolak handled the interrogation was wrong. Toby had nothing to do with the girl's murder, and he was so guilt-ridden (because he'd been convinced that he'd committed the crime) that he took an officer's gun and shot himself in the station. I cried both times I watched it.

That was the best scene, but the second best came a while later, when former detective Jerry Black (a very understated performance by Jack Nicholson) was continuing the investigation, even though the case had been closed because of Toby's confession. Black went to visit Jim Olsted (Mickey Rourke), whose daughter had disappeared a few years before, to get information out of him. Now, I know Mickey Rourke was kind of a joke for a long time, but he is an amazing actor. He made me absolutely believe that he'd lost this little girl, that he was still holding out hope that she would be found, because that was all he had left. It was heartbreaking.

After that, the movie pretty much completely derails. It might as well be a different story, because the original premise is only referred to in passing. It was ridiculous. And the ending was so disappointing- the killer is never caught, even though you know who it is. You know how he was reeling these little girls in, what kind of car he drives, that they all call him "the Wizard"... But he dies in a car accident before he arrives to claim his last victim, where Jerry Black and Stan Krolak were staked out to catch him.

The worst thing was that it was so great for the first half of the movie. It was almost as if they wrote it in succession and just gave up towards the end. Half an hour could've just been left out, and then with that cop-out of an ending... Ugh. So much wasted potential.

EDIT: I thought I would add some pictures of those extensions... They don't look as bad in these screenshots but I can tell you right now, to the trained eye, they are PAINFUL to look at.

Note how close Stan's getting here. It gets weirder.

See!? What the fuck is up with this interrogation?

Also, I want to shave that ridiculous pornstache off Aaron Eckhart's face. Bad. It does NOT suit him at all.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

People on the Internet suck.

Okay, so I belong to this conspiracy theory board (cos I'm a nut case like that), and I'm honestly getting a little frustrated.

See, we also talk a lot about religion, which is fine if everyone can post without making an ass out of themselves. But everyone is so disrespectful, it's insane.

I once brought up the "Paul is Dead" theory and was promptly told I was crazy. Sure, it's okay to speculate that Lady Gaga is the Devil and that Rihanna is an Illuminati puppet, but something rooted in actual forensic science (according to an Italian scientific journal) and reality? THAT'S FUCKING CRAZY. *eyeroll*

Tonight, I've gotten into it with another poster for the second time. See, this kid (I'm assuming it's a kid because the avatar is a picture of Hilary Duff and the English is terrible) keeps reporting people to the mods over nothing and accusing everyone of derailing topics if their post mentions anything other than the OP's subject matter. I called her out on this, and then she said I "keep shoving my opinions down people's throats" and that I'm a hypocrite. And that I shouldn't "preach morality in pantyhose", whatever that means.

The first time I had it out with this person, it was over something I'd written that was pretty badly misinformed, and when I admitted fault, apologized, and tried to make a joke, I was accused of trolling and "sucking up".

I'm tempted to report this person and her dickish behaviour. Give her a taste of her own dick medicine. And yes, that WAS a bad Flight of the Conchords reference.

It's just a little tiring to read every other thread on the message board and see that the same person has been reporting people left and right for the smallest things, when I've never reported anyone once. Ever. And I've been personally attacked before, several times. But I handled it like a fucking adult and addressed the other poster directly rather than involve the mods because they have their hands full as it is.

I really like that message board. I have a lot of fun reading and posting there. But some of the other members make it SO DIFFICULT.

EDIT: Bitch just got reported. She responded to a gay member's post calling her a poe (a troll who constantly preaches about religion and/or morality) that read "Looks like we've got a poe!" And then it had a picture of a poe from Ocarina of Time. Her response? "Looks like we have a fagget picture." Her typo, not mine. So I reported the post and explained to the mods that I tried to address her directly without involving them but this was going too far. Hopefully it won't come back on me, because I did derail the thread a little, but I had a quote from her in every post I made and I was addressing her and only her. Maybe by the time I sign back on there'll be one less troll on that message board.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Goddamn thieves, the lot of them!

I swear to God, I'm so ready to get out of this town.

This afternoon, I went out to my car, just going on a little drive to get out and clear my head a bit. I noticed that my CD insert (it used to be attached to my visor but that fell off) was no longer in the passenger seat, and my phone charger was out. I panicked, checked everywhere, and my fucking GPS is gone. That's all, but it's a big fucking deal- it's $300 I don't have to spend right now and I need it because I'm moving to an area I'm unfamiliar with. I've only ever been to Austell to go to Six Flags.

I screamed, I cried, I considered running down some tourists in my car. I think we should all be very glad I don't have access to a gun, because you can be sure I'd be out there interrogating people on the beach until I found someone who knew something. Hell, with everything that's been going on and my level of anger at just having to live here, it wouldn't take much to push me over an edge right now. Crazy runs DEEP down my mom's side of the family and I could snap at any moment.

I feel like I'm pretty mellow most of the time, but there's the few occasions, like today, where I have this bottomless pit of rage inside me and I can't figure out how to get rid of it. I honestly believe that if I'd been given the chance I'd have snapped someone's neck. And I don't like that. I don't like feeling pure, black, thick hatred like boiling tar inside my head and my heart.

I know I need therapy. Really. But I can't afford it, and I can't take another touchy-feely New Age hippie that constantly reminds me I'm in a safe place. I FUCKING GET IT. Phobias and neuroses and psychosis don't have to make sense, they're mental illness. Like, I know intellectually that not everyone is judging me silently (and sometimes not silently), but I feel that way. I can't fucking help that.

But, anyway... I've got to get back to packing my shit up. Later.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Just a quick update! But some big news!

So, I've got something exciting to tell you all...

I'm moving! Into a house! My very own house!

It's about 15 minutes away from Six Flags, and it's in a nice, quiet neighbourhood that should be really safe. We've got to replace the carpets and paint the walls, but it'll be my own place.

All I have to do once I get moved in is find a roommate, which should be easier once I start school, and I'm only asking $250 plus bills in rent to cover the house payments. I'll find someone in no time.

Anyway, that's all for now. Will post more if I think of something!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Stupid Facebook.

I haven't had much to say lately, but I just had a little experience on Facebook.

I pretty much figured there was no way I was ever going to talk to Pinkie again, and all of a sudden, the day I get bored enough to go play games on fucking Facebook, I notice she's changed her name.

She married that motherfucker. Goddamn it.

I looked through the pictures of her baby, since that's the only way I'll ever get to see it, and wrote her a short message on her wall about it:

"The pictures are beautiful. I'm never on FB anymore but I'd love to hear from you. Love you and miss you."

I don't know if I'll ever hear from her, but I'd like a fucking explanation at some point. I may not be the greatest person ever, but I'm pretty sure I don't deserve this. I stood by her through all her shit for three years and then she ditches me for a convicted felon? Uh-uh. That doesn't fly with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty happy I don't have to deal with her crazy-ass family anymore, but all I wanted was a solid friendship and I couldn't even have that.

More later if I feel like it. I've been writing but not blog-type stuff.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Goddamn it.

Well, I got a piece of awful news today.

Greenie hasn't called me in months, and I haven't had the presence of mind to call her for a while. Her dad has been working for my stepdad, and he told us that Greenie's grandmother has been calling him, asking him to come up to Kansas. Why? Because apparently Greenie AND her husband have been doing meth. Nice, seeing as they have a little boy.

I tried to call her but her number's been disconnected. I have no other way to contact her.

I'm so sick of this. I guess I just give too much undue credit and I should just start expecting people to disappoint me. Nearly all my friends that I've made since I first left Georgia in 2003 have turned out to be huge fuckups. I don't get it- surely these people know better.

Anyway... that's all, I guess. For now.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I've GOT to stop reading these conspiracy theory websites.

For real. I've been getting obsessed and that is NEVER a good thing.

Some of the things I've read are completely batshit crazy, and the rest is... Well, it's possible.

Sunday night, I read a blog (that I now follow, just to read more and keep up) that is pretty much solely dedicated to unearthing something about the Beatles that is widely believed to be a hoax. Now, my entire life, I was sure the whole "Paul is dead" backmasking thing (more on that here) was just a rumor. Turns out the backmasking IS there, but there are more details I didn't know about. Some quotes:
  • "Paul is dead- miss him miss him miss him"
  • "Turn me on, dead man"
  • "I need some wheels, help me help me help me"
  • "Something wrong with my eye" (allegedly Paul was shot through the eye)
  • "Worst of all he's in the dark chills, remember this please" (they left the body and had to retrieve it later)
  • "Paul took the wrong road" (didn't want to go along with the drug-pushing)
  • "He said, 'Get me out, get me out', Paul is Paul is Paul is Hare Krishna it seems Paulie is bloody"
  • "Ask the law, Paul is dead, done, lost his head, ask the walrus damn he is dead"
That isn't something I normally put a lot of stock in, but some of those come in crystal clear, so it has to be a bit intentional.

Supposedly, Paul McCartney (the real one) either died in a car accident (which really happened, he crashed his Aston Martin) or he was taken somewhere by someone and shot. His alleged replacement is the man we know as Paul McCartney from August of 1966 onward. There are photo comparisons, vocal analyses, and even fingerprints that don't match. The fake Paul, or "Faul" as he's known on the internet, is believed to be a Canadian policeman named Bill Shepperd, who sang on the White Album. He's the "Billy Shears" that the song "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" refers to.

The worst thing is that the evidence to support the theories is really compelling.

For example, in the very first color pictures of the Beatles, you can clearly see that Paul's eyes were brown. Even in hard light when they'd appear a bit brighter, they were still brown. Nowadays, Paul has green eyes. We've got colored contacts, but did those exist in 1966? I don't really know- one site said 1887 (doubtful) and another said 1981 (sounds right). Case in point:

 His eyes are so dark a brown they're almost black.

As for Bill:

Clearly different. As are his eyebrows- Paul's were wider and had more of a gentle curve, whereas Bill's were shorter, thinner, and much more angular.

The entire facial structure is different, as well. It might be argued that he lost some of his baby fat and it was a result of aging. But one article even mentioned that his palate is wider than when the Beatles first debuted, which, if he were to have undergone surgery to correct his narrow palate, he would've been out of commission for at least a year and he would've suffered a great deal.

So we come to it: Paul VS. "Faul".

The picture on the right is from when "Faul", AKA Billy Shears, AKA Bill Shepperd was first being introduced. For a while, he was just a stand-in when Paul was sick and couldn't perform. There are existing pictures of them both wearing the same outfit on the same day, but it's clearly two different people. This picture, however, has been altered to blur the lines a bit further. This has been done with videos as well.

This is the Paul McCartney we know today. It may be the same person as above, but there may have been multiple "Fauls". This is Billy Shears as well.

The difference here is... astonishing. That couldn't possibly be the same guy. There's only three years' difference between those two shots, and the guy on the right looks ten years older at least!

It's not as hard as you would think to find someone who looks and sounds like another person. Think about Jim Sturgess, "Jude" from the Across the Universe movie. His voice sounds reasonably McCartney-ish, and take a look at him:

Granted, he looks more like Bill than Paul. But the next picture is better.

If that doesn't look like Paul McCartney, I'll go outside right now and eat a gallon of beach sand.

And here we have him in action:

The song actually starts approx. 2:15 in, but the rest is context so it might be worth a view if you haven't seen the movie.

But see? It's not that big a deal.

If it comes to light that this is real, that it's 100% true... I can't even tell you how heartbreaking that would be. Words can't express how much that would hurt. Not just for me, but for the millions of fans who were brought joy by the music these men made together. It might literally kill my mother- I've been dying to discuss it with her but if she sees this stuff and believes it? I couldn't do that to her. I'll let her live in ignorance.

I mean, there are only three things that I've consistently loved my whole life- Sailor Moon, chocolate, and the Beatles. I always kinda thought of them as my uncles, I grew up loving them so much- I even got to visit Uncle Paul at work! Or at least I think I did... And when George Harrison died, my mom told me and I cried for almost an hour. I knew, even at the age of twelve, that the world had lost a truly beautiful person, inside and out. If he had a double (he may have, he suddenly developed a unibrow and his chin looked a wee bit longer into the 70's) he definitely had the least detectable. Save for Ringo's, but let's be honest, who was going to notice anyway? He's Ringo. Very few people, except for hardcore Beatles fans, really gave two shits about the stuff Ringo wrote.

There is some debate as to whether it was the real John Lennon or the double that was killed in 1981. I honestly don't know. But if Paul, George, and Ringo had all been replaced by that point, then certainly John had. And the double was giving interviews that hinted at something- "Everything isn't really what it is, is it?" He may have been eliminated because he was starting to talk. Imagine how the world would've reacted to that! How different things would be if some group controlling the music industry had been exposed. I'm sure that things like that are going on still.

Of course, this also paints the whole Heather Mills situation in a different light. She dragged Paul McCartney's name through the mud for a while after their divorce, but she stopped suddenly. She also talked about a box of evidence that, if she were to be offed, would be opened by the friend who was taking care of it (she never said who) and the contents would be taken to the authorities. I never believed that he would do the things she said he did. Paul McCartney wouldn't. Bill Shepperd might.

I don't know what to believe. But, like I said before, if it's true, it's beyond heartbreaking. We love you, Paul- the real one.

Monday, April 4, 2011

I can't wait to leave this town.

Today, while heading into Wal-Mart to buy a couple of things, I was harassed.

Some skinny redneck, couldn't have been older than 25, was sitting in the bed of his pickup, and when I got out of my car and started for the door, he yelled "Hey, sexy!" at me.

Now, this might not bother other people, but I can't take a real compliment let alone sexual harassment so I yelled "Fuck off!" over my shoulder.

I got my shopping done and went back out to my car- it couldn't have been longer than ten minutes- and he was still out there. He said, "sorry for the disrespect". I said, "Yeah, I'm sure you're real sorry."
"Hey, I was just trying to be nice to your ass!'
"Go fuck your sister, you inbred!" I got in my car, drove to the other side of the parking lot, and went inside to tell someone so that they'd be aware that someone was harassing customers. By the time someone went looking for him, he'd left, but now they know.

This isn't as bad as when G.I. Joe propositioned me, but it's still pretty upsetting. I don't invite that sort of thing- by my age group's standards, I might as well dress like the Church Lady. And it's not like there aren't thousands of smaller, skinnier, cuter girls for him to bother. They'd probably like it.

And this just cements my distaste for guys around my age. That's it. Nobody under 27. If I have to be alone for a few more years then so be it, but I won't deal with anybody who treats me like a piece of property. I may be young but I most certainly am not stupid.

Nobody respond to that last statement...

Monday, March 21, 2011

Just a small update.

I've been in Atlanta the last few days, and I've been sleeping better for it. I also got to hang out with my friend Courtney for the first time in two years, which was great. My stepdad is looking at a house tomorrow, and if it stays at that price, we won't have to sell the house in Panama City before we move, which is AMAZING news. That means I won't have to wait too long before starting school if I get in, or an apprenticeship if I can get it.

Despite all this, I'm a bit upset.

I got a very bizarre, profane voicemail Thursday night. Well, two- one from Uncle Gumby calling me a "motherfuckin' whale motherfuckin' cunt" and another that starts out with Pinkie's younger brother rambling a bit and then the Raging Redneck Asshole she's engaged to (*barf*) picks up. I don't have an exact transcription, but it goes something like this:

"Hey, you fat fuckin' orgasm bitch (1). I just wanted to let you know that I hate you, my wife hates you, she ain't never heard from you (2), my fuckin' baby hates you (3), and I hope you die very soon. You're boring as shit, you don't know shit, because you are nothing more than a piece of shit. Have a nice life in that fucked-up head of yours. This is (*name here*) (4). So, peace out, bitch."

Something like that. So I dialed Pinkie's number and left her one last voicemail:

"Hey, this is Sarah. I just got a nice fucking voicemail from (*name*) and I just wanted to say that if you want some shit said to me, you can say it yourself instead of getting (*name*) to do it from a blocked number. I know this more than likely won't get heard but this will be the last time I call. Goodbye."

So, I'm done. I'm tired. I was upset for about ten minutes, and then not talking to Pinkie anymore was suddenly a much easier pill to swallow.

Unless it relates to something I'm talking about or she decides to contact me, I won't mention her much anymore.

Anyway, that's all for now. Later.

(1)- Um... What?
(2)- Bull-fucking-shit. I've called her a thousand times and sent her messages and everything. I even sent her ass a birthday card.
(3)- I'm pretty sure that babies aren't capable of hatred. I'm no expert but that doesn't make sense, a baby hating anyone.
(4)- Big mistake, dipshit. I could press charges with that voicemail.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

An open letter to anyone who'e ever come to PCB for vacation.

Hey, everybody.

Look. I'm not saying each and every person that comes down here is a total asshole. Some people are nice and I was a tourist once, too.

BUT. I know I never treated anyone the way some of you treat us locals. I didn't go around screaming "WOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs, nor did my mom and stepdad rev their engines at other drivers, nor did we act like a bunch of stupid, spoiled douche canoes in public.

Also, what is up with those weird Viking horns everyone keeps blowing? I thought I was insane until someone else told me they'd been hearing them!

Traffic is bad, gas has gone up in price, and I have to drive across the bridge if I want to do anything because Pier Park is a fucking nightmare because it's full of college students who can't be bothered to wear anything other than bathing suits in public, even when they're eating in a nice restaurant. And there's not really anything to do in town, but if I don't leave the house for at least an hour a day, I get my ass chewed out by my parents.

Anyway... All that aside, I understand wanting to have a good time. Really. Just have some respect, okay?

Monday, February 21, 2011

Damn it all!

I have ONE WEEK LEFT to get my shit cleaned up. I can't believe it's taken me so long, I hate myself for procrastinating!

Why have I got to do this? Because my stepdad is putting the house on the market. And I'm really awful about not putting things away. I wish my mom had just let me keep everything packed away when I moved back because I knew this was a possibility. I'm SO STUPID!

I have to really force myself to work tomorrow. I'm sure I can get this done in two or three days if I force myself. I just have to make myself start. I'm like this with exercise too.

I've also been looking at esthetics schools in Atlanta, and I have a couple of places to look at in a few weeks when we're up there. I hope I can get a paycheck in before then, but I'm not holding my breath because EVERYBODY at the store has worked except me. I've got to go back and beg Ann for some hours. Spring Break is starting this week and I'd like that to work to my advantage for once since I moved to this God-forsaken shithole of a tourist trap we call a city. I would rather live two doors down from Disney World in Orlando because at least I'd have more shit to do there. Here, it's always full of people and yet there is fuck all to do.

Why do people travel to Panama City? Why does anyone live here? Everyone goes on about us having "the world's most beautiful beaches" but that's a big pile of fly-ridden horseshit. Yeah, they're gorgeous under all the garbage and gigantic tourists in tiny bathing suits. Oh, and the huge gobs of seaweed. That's great. And we seem to attract the bottom of the barrel. Or, to quote Penny Arcade, "It's as if the bottom had its own barrel that dripped down into a sewer infested with rats." And the worst part is that the worst of the worst are from my home state, Georgia. Not all of them, but the rule is, they're fucking rude. And they don't seem to know how sunscreen works.

Enough ranting for now. I need to go to bed soon so I can get up and WORK. Damn it.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

A Review- "Let England Shake" by Polly Jean Harvey

That's right, I'm reviewing an album. I won't do it often, just when something really strikes me and I feel like sharing my thoughts.

I was extremely excited when I heard about this record. I've been a PJ Harvey fan since I was fourteen and I've followed her closely ever since I got a copy of Uh Huh Her for my birthday. I immediately fell in love and within six months I'd bought nearly all her records.

This is an album I can imagine being a favorite, it's very rare that I like all the tracks on a CD. Her voice is different, her sound is different... I love it.

So... Let England Shake. I'll be going through track-by-track and giving my thoughts about each, rather than just summarizing it.


1. "Let England Shake" - This song uses a sample from "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" by Jimmy Kennedy and Nat Simon as the base for its melody, to surprisingly good results. It's bouncy and folky, but you can feel the darkness creeping in at the edges. It sets the tone perfectly and neither lulls you into false security, nor does it jar your nerves before dropping off.

2. "Last Living Rose" - It starts with a couple of low-end thumps on a guitar before slipping into a jangly, gorgeous melody. The first words are "Goddamn Europeans!", which strikes me as inordinately entertaining; she is British, after all. Short and sweet and full of sunlight, but bitter at the same time.

3. "The Glorious Land" - In the background of the hazy, gray-tinged sound, there's the bright trumpeting of a bugle, the sample interspersed throughout. The song is so evocative of the dank, foggy hills at night, in terms of the sound, and the words are so... sarcastic, almost disgusted. "How is our glorious country plowed? / Not by iron plows / Our land is plowed by tanks and feet / Feet marching".

4. "The Words That Maketh Murder" - One of my favorite tracks. Again, the bouncy, jangly music lies to you in terms of how dark the song is. "I have seen and done things I want to forget / Soldiers fell like lumps of meat". The background vocals are performed by John Parrish (awesome) and Mick Harvey (awesome-er) and the whole thing is just... perfect. The song ends with the vocals repeating, "What if I take my problem to the United Nations? / What if I take my problem to the youth of the nation?", joyous and horrific all at once. Amazing.

5. "All and Everyone" - I had an extreme reaction to this song. It chokes me up every time I hear it (even now, I'm listening to each track) and I'm not really sure why. The chorus until the very end is "As we advance in / In the sun / As we advance in / Every man", when it suddenly switches to "As we advance in / Sing 'Death to them all, every one' ", and tears start burning my eyes at that point. Something about this track makes me hear the ghosts of people who have died in battle and I don't like that. But at the same time, I would call this a standout track because it's so beautiful. I love it when things make me emote, force any kind of feeling out of me.

6. "On Battleship Hill" - This one is another shapeshifter. It starts off with a guitar melody that reminds of an overcast day in the summer, before suddenly becoming stark, just voice and low-end guitar, then moving back. It wouldn't sound out of place on the Bad Seeds' No More Shall We Part, but the theme is very different. "Cruel nature has won again" is repeated throughout, which is a phrase that resonated deeply with me. I just thought it sounded beautiful, and true, really.

7. "England" - Here, Miss Polly is trying her hand at yodeling, to interesting results, "I live and die through England". Probably the most folky of all the songs. She sings of people stagnating "like water or air" and expresses her "Undaunted, never-failing love for you / England / Is all to which I cling". Beautiful.

8. "In the Dark Places" - Not a million miles away from some of Uh Huh Her, but it's got its own energy. It's another song about men going to battle and not coming home, but that's the central theme of the entire album, so, no big deal.

9. "Bitter Branches" - The words here draw indirect comparisons between soldiers' arms and tree branches, which is interesting. It's very short and fades out with the words "Wave goodbye" repeating.

10. "Hanging in the Wire" - It's almost hard to realize that the words (poetically) are describing dead bodies hanging in barbed wire; "Just unburied ghosts / Hanging in the wire". This is where the quieter moments of Uh Huh Her meet White Chalk.

11. "Written on the Forehead" - This has another sample; "Blood and Fire" by Winston "Niney" Holness. This seems like it's more about England's invasion of another country, but I could be wrong. Either way, it's great.

12. "The Colour of Earth" - Another track with Parrish featured heavily. Or Mick Harvey, they sound similar. The words were inspired by a letter written by an actual soldier in the Gallipoli invasion, giving them more weight. It's a very compelling track.


Okay, so there you have it. I hope I interest someone in giving this album a listen. Hell, give ALL her albums a listen.

It's records like this that make me so irritated when people compare Polly Harvey to Patti Smith. No. Just... No. She's a far superior artist- she's evolved more and produced a higher percentage of quality work since 1991 than Smith ever has since 1975. She's also a more appealing person and doesn't put politics into everything. I wouldn't call this a political album because it was largely inspired by wars that happened a long time ago and focuses more on her home country's involvement rather than war at large.

I would also like to say to every hyper-political musician that thinks everyone cares about their opinion: Shut the fuck up. Unless you're M.I.A. and you've actually seen some shit, just keep your mouth shut. I'm looking at YOU Green Day, and YOU, Pearl Jam, and especially YOU, Bono. Get over yourselves.

Anyway... There it is. I strongly recommend this album. Check it out.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Honestly, I'm kind of surprised.

I was expecting to be super-angry and depressed today, it being Valentine's Day, my least favorite day of the year.

It's so weird. Maybe it's because I had something to look forward to- a new PJ Harvey album called Let England Shake is coming out tomorrow!

Pictured: Awesomeness!

Maybe it's because I've been pre-occupied with other shitty things that have been going on. I don't know.

Last year, though... that shit was ROUGH. Literally every customer in the store, in addition to all my co-workers, constantly reminding me of everything I wanted and (seemingly) couldn't have. I was lonely, I still am. I just didn't have it constantly shoved down my throat the way I would have had I been working recently, I guess. I was allowed to forget about it.

Although, truth be told, I still wish this stupid, commercial holiday would go away. Seriously, if you need a special day to tell others that you love them, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

In closing... I hope at least somebody enjoyed today.

That's all for now. PEACE OUT, Y'ALL!  (<--- bad Futurama reference)

Friday, February 11, 2011

I should probably just give up now.

So, out of desperation, I checked Pinkie's Myspace page and saw that she'd been on about a week before. I sent her a message on February 1st so that maybe I'd be able to open some kind of communication with her. I've been worried sick for nearly five months and not one call has been returned, all thirty-odd voicemails have gone unanswered... I want to know what's going on. I logged on last night to see if she'd replied, and she read the message and didn't send anything back.

I know it's stupid, but I guess I keep hoping that maybe I'll have one friend in Georgia when I move back that doesn't work constantly and isn't about to leave the country. Apparently that's too much to ask.

I mean... What, does she just not want to be friends anymore? Would it have been so hard to hit reply and type "bitch, stop calling me"? Or to dial my number (which is in her contact book in her phone) and tell me that? I know she's got that, whatdoyoucallit... baby, but thirty seconds is all it would take.

Maybe her parents or her fiancee (God, it makes me so ill to even think about that) are policing what she does, controlling her phone use. It's happened before. Her mom used to get on her Myspace and monitor her activity like she was an unruly twelve-year-old. Her fiancee (*barf*) sees her as a possession. She dug herself quite a hole.

I know, I know, I should just give up. I just feel like I worked really hard to keep that friendship going and I don't want to let go of it. And I'm so tired of having to work that hard. Having to keep doing favors for people just so they won't leave me. Not that I really mind doing things for people, I just hate feeling like it's necessary in order to keep people around. Driving people around, giving them stuff (usually things I don't want anymore or things I lend that just never get returned), occasionally buying their food... It gets tiring. Especially when you make less money than they do but somehow end up spending more on them than they do on themselves when you're out.

As if this week didn't suck enough.

That's all for now, but expect a mega-rant on Valentine's Day. I've got enough bile to fill an ocean at the moment.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

I knew I loved her!

"I think everyone’s bisexual to some degree or another; it’s just a question of whether or not you choose to recognize it and embrace it. Personally, I think choosing between men and women is like choosing between cake and ice cream. You’d be daft not to try both when there are so many different flavours."


My sentiments exactly!

What a cool lady. I always admired how upfront she was about her sexuality. She talked about it, wrote about it, and made no secrets about it. One of her videos, "Pagan Poetry", featured footage of her and her boyfriend Matthew Barney (awesome artist, by the way) having sex, animated over with white and black lines and made abstract;

Once you know what it is, it's kind of obvious, but I went YEARS without figuring that out. Me being naive and inexperienced might have something to do with it.

Anyway... This is basically a filler post, but I thought I should write something, so... mission accomplished!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I've been lazy about posting lately.

I can't believe I did it, but- after spending about $20 on nail polish in the past two weeks (I wish I was kidding but I'm not)- I broke down and placed a couple of small orders.

I'm still waiting on packages from Meow Cosmetics, Evil Shades, Shiro Cosmetics, and One Hand Washes the Other, and now I've got stuff from Fyrinnae (which I'm admittedly excited about, I can't wait to see if it lives up to the hype) and Aromaleigh (LAST ORDER EVER) coming.

And after that, unless it's some super-amazing deal or I get a windfall in some form or I get a new job, I'm putting myself on a makeup-buying freeze. I have $260 to my name and I'd like to stretch that a bit more just so I feel a little secure.

So why, after losing my regular job, did I order all this stuff? Well, it sounds like more than it is, so let me try and rationalize this for my own conscience:

1.  Meow Cosmetics- It's all samples. All of it. Thirty-something samples. I should get it this week.

2. Evil Shades- I got one full-size eyeshadow, one Hardcore lipgloss, and a sample of their Deviant lipstick. Less than $20.

3. Shiro Cosmetics- I got ten samples and five of her new colored lip balms, the Intertubes. I wanted to get some new colors to try and I thought the Intertubes would be good for summer so I don't have to wear gooey lipgloss all the time.

4. One Hand Washes the Other- More tinted, glittery, gorgeous lip balms. I had three already that I loved, and I decided to get some more. There's one color I don't have that I want, in lavender. I also got a sample of her Black Magic soap to test drive.

5. Aromaleigh- A "rainbow" grab bag- she had some color-coded bags listed on her website with tons of pretty things inside them and I thought, what the Hell. I love my Aromaleigh shadows.

6. Fyrinnae- I have wanted to try this stuff since I first heard about it. Especially the Pixie Epoxy. So I ordered four samples, the full-size epoxy, and a full-size lip lustre.

So... there you have it. I think I can hold off for a while with all that coming to me.

In other news, I started a diet so maybe at least by this time next year I'll weigh what I'm supposed to. I've been cheating a little but as long as I'm eating better than I was I think I'll be alright.


That's all I've really got right now. Later.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I really should've seen this coming.

I lost my job today.

Just before I finished getting ready to leave for work, I got a call from a girl at the salon. She told me that my boss was on the phone but I needed to come get my stuff because they were letting me go.

I had a meltdown on the way there and talked to my boss before I did anything. She told me that I needed to be an assistant, but nobody was willing to take one, for whatever reason. She would've taken me had she not already had an assistant, and two more waiting. It'll be a year before she's freed up, and I need help NOW. Really, really badly. I know I'm not a great stylist and I probably never will be, but I at least want to be decent and in order to get there I need serious education.

This blows. I really felt like I could've gotten the help I needed there and they don't have the money to pay me or anyone who will teach me. I don't know what I'm going to do now. I'm so tired of trying to look for a job doing something that I know I'm not that good at.

Sometimes I think I should just quit. Just be a minimum-wage slave for the rest of my life. It sure as Hell would involve a lot less rejection and heartache. I'll admit it, I'm a wimp. I'm a total quitter. At least I admit it.

I'm thinking of trying to find a job at Disney World. It seems like it would be a lot of fun. Sure, there would be screaming kids everywhere, but it's a big park and when I was there in October there was a surprising... quietness, despite the large number of people there. Even if I was just serving hot dogs at the Hollywood Studios park, or selling merch at Downtown Disney, I think I'd be much happier than I am now, swimming against an impossible current. So I've signed up to get email alerts about new jobs. I don't have enough keeping me here in Panama City, and hey, if you get far enough (like, ten minutes worth of driving) away from the theme parks, Orlando is almost exactly like Marietta, GA, where I spent five years of my life.

Maybe that will work out. Nothing else seems to, but maybe if the job isn't too demanding, I can handle it.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

On mistakes and movie theatre etiquette

Well, I had a trying day.

I have to return the clippers that I bought because they only came with two guards- apparently whoever made the decision about the whole package thought it a good idea to include a shitty pair of shears and a ton of clipper oil but only enough guard combs to do a high-and-tight, a military cut. HOW did I not see that beforehand, on the box? So I'm taking the stupid things back on Monday, since I have to work tomorrow and the next day, and I won't be getting off work until the place is closed.

On top of that, I did NOTHING. All. Day. Long. No walk-ins on a Thursday is INSANE.


Yesterday, I went to see Black Swan and I have two words:


That was the most intense, frightening movie I've ever seen. It was incredible and if SOMEONE involved doesn't walk home with an Oscar I'll be very surprised. Natalie Portman... I've always known she was talented but she really blew my mind. And Mila Kunis left That 70's Show in the dust years ago, but this just cements her place in Hollywood. I think we can expect great things from her. Even Winona Ryder was decent.

The opening scene is EXTREMELY important. It's a dream sequence, like much of the movie is, where Nina (Natalie Portman) is dancing the part of the White Swan and transforming into the Black Swan. This part, I will admit, choked me up for some reason. It was visually beautiful and that on top of the music just wound me up somehow. But there are clues where you can pick up on things that happen later (no spoilers, sorry, you'll have to watch!) and I felt physically ill through most of the film, for a number of reasons. It's very rare that my concentration is held through an entire movie, but I didn't drift AT ALL. I couldn't, for the same reason you can't look away from a train wreck. And upon leaving the theatre, I felt haunted and really shaken in a way I hadn't been in a long time. Please, put aside all the hype, and go see this amazing movie. It's truly an experience.

But I'd like to take this opportunity to address something about the movie-going experience (lame term, I know) that has bothered me for ages, and a lot, because I see movies all the time, as my reader(s) may or may not know. I haven't felt so frustrated by my fellow audience members since I saw Across the Universe and heard people laughing during that depressing "Let it Be" sequence where the kid dies. Yesterday, I had an older couple sitting behind me, which, first off, Black Swan isn't a movie that's aimed at an older crowd. I know for a fact that they paid less than me (they were ahead of me in line and got the senior discount) so why they felt it was alright to talk the whole time, when the rest of us had paid more and were trying to pay attention, I have no idea. I haven't had to ask anyone to be quiet in a VERY long time. The man was hacking up half of one of his lungs, SOMEBODY was crossing and uncrossing their legs and kicking the entire row of seats... Ugh.

And no, I couldn't move. In the smaller theatres, which are still large, there's more of an incline and I only have a three-row window where I'll still be able to see because if I'm too close, I have to crane my neck and I get a massive headache, and if I'm too far up, it's like watching a TV screen. Not to mention my farsightedness that makes things... complicated, especially in 3-D movies (but that's another post).

So anyway, pretty much everyone else was acting like a douche canoe and talking and laughing at the end, which... I mean, even if you thought it was ridiculous, there was nothing funny. Nothing. It wasn't like The Last of the Mohicans (*puke*) where that girl jumps off a cliff for no reason.

I don't know, maybe I was just all hormonal and ultra-sensitive, but I was pissed. It's like interrupting someone while they're meditating- I'm trying to see, hear, smell, taste, and feel everything that I can, and I like to immerse myself fully into whatever I'm watching. When that gets disrupted, repeatedly... I'm not a happy camper.

Well, that's all I have to say for now. Later.

Monday, January 3, 2011

What a day...

Ugh. I thought I was going to lose my job today.

I went in for a totally optional makeup class at the salon this morning, and it was fun, what little we actually got to do- it was just me, the makeup girl (also my boss' twin sister), and three girls that were already there. After we'd disbanded, my boss called me into her office to discuss a haircut she'd had to intercept on Friday. I hadn't done a swing bob in the better part of a year and I had already asked for help doing a style, I thought I should at least try to do it on my own. This woman had monstrously thick hair (made mine look thin by comparison, and my friends at school referred to my hair as my "pelt" cos it was so thick) and for some reason I didn't think to shampoo her hair and blow-dry it straight before attempting this ridiculous haircut.

Anyway, it ended up a bit too short and the client actually had to come back in to get it worked on some more the next day. I felt terrible and actually had a screaming, crying, fist-pounding breakdown while I was driving home. I was so scared that I was going to get fired, because I'm used to fearing for my job.

The boss-lady was super nice about everything and made a point to tell me that I wasn't in trouble, because 1) she knew I was trying my hardest, 2) she felt I could be taught, and 3) that's a really hard cut to do. It's really big around here so I'll probably get plenty of practice, but I've only done it maybe three or four times before. I told her that I had been worrying about it, thinking I was going to get fired, and that the only reason it upset me was that I like it there. Which is, without a doubt, 100% true. I feel so lucky to be there, I've only worked at that salon for two weeks and I already have formed more of a connection there than I did the entire time I worked at Trade Secret. I would be so horrified if I lost that job.

She and I talked for a few more minutes before I left, feeling a lot better about my situation. I couldn't ask for a better scenario than the one I've found- education is a big thing there and that's exactly what I need. And everyone's so nice, I could probably ask anyone for help and they'd gladly do what they could.

So... There was that.

I also, while running some errands after all that, thought about what to do with my hair. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be at Bath and Body Works and my hair grows crazy-fast, so I think I'll be working up some designs for future haircolor- I want to dye some of my hair, not much, blue-black, and maybe put a chunk of Enchanted Forest back in there because that is my absolute favorite color EVER and I was so sad to dye over it. I'm sure I'll have a few minutes while at work tomorrow to sketch some things out.

Anyway... That's about it. I'll post again when I have more to say.