Monday, May 30, 2011

Goddamn thieves, the lot of them!

I swear to God, I'm so ready to get out of this town.

This afternoon, I went out to my car, just going on a little drive to get out and clear my head a bit. I noticed that my CD insert (it used to be attached to my visor but that fell off) was no longer in the passenger seat, and my phone charger was out. I panicked, checked everywhere, and my fucking GPS is gone. That's all, but it's a big fucking deal- it's $300 I don't have to spend right now and I need it because I'm moving to an area I'm unfamiliar with. I've only ever been to Austell to go to Six Flags.

I screamed, I cried, I considered running down some tourists in my car. I think we should all be very glad I don't have access to a gun, because you can be sure I'd be out there interrogating people on the beach until I found someone who knew something. Hell, with everything that's been going on and my level of anger at just having to live here, it wouldn't take much to push me over an edge right now. Crazy runs DEEP down my mom's side of the family and I could snap at any moment.

I feel like I'm pretty mellow most of the time, but there's the few occasions, like today, where I have this bottomless pit of rage inside me and I can't figure out how to get rid of it. I honestly believe that if I'd been given the chance I'd have snapped someone's neck. And I don't like that. I don't like feeling pure, black, thick hatred like boiling tar inside my head and my heart.

I know I need therapy. Really. But I can't afford it, and I can't take another touchy-feely New Age hippie that constantly reminds me I'm in a safe place. I FUCKING GET IT. Phobias and neuroses and psychosis don't have to make sense, they're mental illness. Like, I know intellectually that not everyone is judging me silently (and sometimes not silently), but I feel that way. I can't fucking help that.

But, anyway... I've got to get back to packing my shit up. Later.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Just a quick update! But some big news!

So, I've got something exciting to tell you all...

I'm moving! Into a house! My very own house!

It's about 15 minutes away from Six Flags, and it's in a nice, quiet neighbourhood that should be really safe. We've got to replace the carpets and paint the walls, but it'll be my own place.

All I have to do once I get moved in is find a roommate, which should be easier once I start school, and I'm only asking $250 plus bills in rent to cover the house payments. I'll find someone in no time.

Anyway, that's all for now. Will post more if I think of something!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Stupid Facebook.

I haven't had much to say lately, but I just had a little experience on Facebook.

I pretty much figured there was no way I was ever going to talk to Pinkie again, and all of a sudden, the day I get bored enough to go play games on fucking Facebook, I notice she's changed her name.

She married that motherfucker. Goddamn it.

I looked through the pictures of her baby, since that's the only way I'll ever get to see it, and wrote her a short message on her wall about it:

"The pictures are beautiful. I'm never on FB anymore but I'd love to hear from you. Love you and miss you."

I don't know if I'll ever hear from her, but I'd like a fucking explanation at some point. I may not be the greatest person ever, but I'm pretty sure I don't deserve this. I stood by her through all her shit for three years and then she ditches me for a convicted felon? Uh-uh. That doesn't fly with me. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty happy I don't have to deal with her crazy-ass family anymore, but all I wanted was a solid friendship and I couldn't even have that.

More later if I feel like it. I've been writing but not blog-type stuff.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Goddamn it.

Well, I got a piece of awful news today.

Greenie hasn't called me in months, and I haven't had the presence of mind to call her for a while. Her dad has been working for my stepdad, and he told us that Greenie's grandmother has been calling him, asking him to come up to Kansas. Why? Because apparently Greenie AND her husband have been doing meth. Nice, seeing as they have a little boy.

I tried to call her but her number's been disconnected. I have no other way to contact her.

I'm so sick of this. I guess I just give too much undue credit and I should just start expecting people to disappoint me. Nearly all my friends that I've made since I first left Georgia in 2003 have turned out to be huge fuckups. I don't get it- surely these people know better.

Anyway... that's all, I guess. For now.