Saturday, December 31, 2011

It's been a while, right?

Sorry, readers that don't exist, I've been busy lately. School is eating my brain but hopefully the pressure will go down once I actually make it to Level 3.

I've been having a lot more body image issues lately... Mostly because I sit in a room full of gorgeous women every day, hearing most of them complain about how they need to lose five pounds and they're so fat and disgusting... Thing is, I have way more than five pounds to lose. So if they all think they're so gross, God knows what they must think of me.

I can't afford to eat well, either, because I still haven't found a job. I live on macaroni and cheese, cereal, and hot dogs. It's not a good diet. And by the time I get out of school in the afternoons, I'm so exhausted because I don't sleep more than a few hours at a time, so I end up just sleeping for a while when I get home. So my main source of exercise is running around the school 20 times a day trying to find product and clean things up and all that, which is decent but it doesn't seem to do much.

I really need to make myself start doing yoga again. And I really want to get into bellydancing, once my flexibility is back up. My resolution this year is to make more of a real effort to get fit, because I know I'm capable of losing the weight, I just lose motivation because it feels like nobody but me cares. The only reason I think it matters to others is because people are nicer to you when you're thin. When you're larger, people act as if they're afraid they're going to catch your fatness. It's sad.

But hopefully at least after I pass my State Board test I can get a decent job and can afford better food. I doubt anyone's going to hire me knowing that I'll be graduating in four, maybe five months. We'll see.