I think I may need a new computer chair...

Some photos from the new Campari calendar were released. Benicio "Sexypants" Del Toro is the first-ever male to model for the calendar (previous models included Eva Mendes, Jessica Alba, and Salma Hayek) and JESUS EFFIN CHRIST, YOU GUYS.

These pictures are... incredible...

Oh, Hell yes.

He looks amazing- only a few months ago, around the time "The Wolfman" came out, he was a little pudgy and washed-out, and now? He caused an entire group of fangirls (I belong to a community, don't judge me, I know I'm a stupid fangirl) to collectively cream their pants the second these photos hit the boards.

More sexyness:

And just because, a behind-the-scenes picture of Beni looking at the photos he'd just taken.

What a looker!

He's just too much sometimes. I watch his movies and just think about everything I want to do to him. The first time I ever seriously did that was when I first saw "Snatch", but I had a nice little thing going when I went to see "The Wolfman", too. There was enough bare flesh to keep it going. And as Frankie Four Fingers in "Snatch"? He was suave and cool and had an accent. And there was a shot of him pantsless- didn't see any fun bits but still. Nice legs, Beni.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to be alone with myself and the fantasy that these images gave me. Later!

P.S. -

I never thought I would say ANYTHING like this, but I kinda wish I was Michael Douglas.

UPDATE: Okay, so I was mistaken, all of those are behind-the-scenes shots. Still gorgeous, though.

Seriously, Mom, stop talking about my vagina.

For the past week or so, my mom's been reminding me that I need to go to get another pap smear.

Look. I know it's been nearly three years, but I don't have health insurance. I would love nothing more than to know what's up with my lady parts (not really) but I can't even afford to put gas in my car right now. I'm down to my last $80. The job hunt isn't going as well as I'd hoped and while I've moved back home, I'm still being cut off and my mom isn't helping me with the stuff I need on a day-to-day basis. I don't even having anything valuable to sell, it's not like I'm sitting on a goldmine.

My family, on the maternal side, has a lot of reproductive problems. My grandmother, both my aunts, and my mother all had fibroids. One of my aunts had to have an emergency hysterectomy when she was twenty-six because she didn't get them treated.

And people wonder why I don't want to pass on my defective genes.

I'm worried about all that stuff, don't get me wrong. I'm starting to get irregular again. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it.

I just can't go to the doctor just now.

This is what I get for doing someone a favor.

Ugh. Today was exhausting.

A lady my mom works with asked if I could help her get some professional hair color, because her stylist moved away and the last person that did her hair did it wrong. I was all too happy to meet up with her and help her pick something out, which I had done with my mother before at this very shop and it hadn't been a problem.

The manager of this store, ever since I've moved back, has been rude to me whenever I've been in there. She apparently has a problem with me because I'm not really a regular. She always asks me, in a nasty tone, if I'm a stylist. So this lady and I were picking out hair color, and the manager comes up and starts getting all pissy with me because she doesn't recognise me. After we paid for the stuff, I was on my way out, and she stopped me outside the store and told me that I was "cheating the stylists" by doing this lady's color for her.

What. The. Fuck.

I AM a stylist! And this woman I was doing the favor for? She knows people. This shit may help me get a job. So why should I feel bad about doing something nice for someone who can help me and who is friends with my mom?

Needless to say, I'm not going back to that place. I'll get the color somewhere else.

I honestly think that most of the issues stem from the fact that I don't look "normal". Not that I looked that weird- I was wearing a black and platinum blonde wig, mostly-black clothes but I was covered-up, my glasses, and coal-black eyeshadow with red sparkles in it. Nothing too out-there, really. But I guess I'm a circus freak that deserves nothing but contempt. And people are usually nicer to me when I wear my glasses, too. I don't know what it is, but they are. But her and her frumpy old lady clothes are obviously superior.

I've had trouble for years with people treating me badly because of my appearance, but it still kinda fucks with me sometimes. Especially when I was pretty tame-looking today and got all that bullshit thrown at me. I hate people like her. I hate living in this small-minded community. There's nothing wrong with me. It's all to do with them.

UPDATE: I went to go get some more haircolor last week, and the manager was strangely nice to me. I think she recognised me and she'd afraid I'll go to corporate. I actually feel kind of bad for her, she has to know that none of her customers like her.