Saturday, October 16, 2010

How many times am I gonna do something this stupid?

I totally fucked up today.

I went in for an interview at CVS, and when asked how long I was planning to stay there, I stupidly said, "Probably about six months." I mean, who goes to fucking CVS Pharmacy intending to stay there for the rest of their lives? I figured I would have a week's worth of training, tops, bum around there and save some money up, and quit when I found something better. But they were looking for something a bit more long-term, so I was just told upfront that I wasn't going to get the job. Which I honestly appreciate because I've been jerked around by almost every place I've interviewed at.

When my mom asked me how things went, I told her and she told me I'd screwed up. My dad chewed me out for a good twenty minutes. I feel so stupid. I should have just lied. But I wasn't thinking and instead of licking this guy's asshole and telling him what he wanted to hear, I was honest.

I'm so fucking tired of this shit. Sure, I don't apply for every job that pops up online, but I apply for what I think I'm qualified for. I'm tired of both my parents bitching at me because I can't find a job. I've really been trying, but there are things I just can't do. And if I have to go back to Publix I'll fucking end up killing myself, I just know it. I wanted to when I worked there before. There are few things in the world that I can't handle, and being treated like I'm stupid or unworthy of basic human respect, and I got both in spades when I was just a cashier. People assume that because you're running a register you must be a Goddamned idiot, but that was my first job and I was fucking SEVENTEEN. What the fuck else am I supposed to do?

It's just like when I was working at Trade Secret and when I was in cosmetology school. Everyone seems to assume that you become a hairdresser because you're too fucking stupid to do anything else, and that isn't true for most of us. There are only a handful that I've known that were in school with me because they couldn't hack community college, or their rich mommies and daddies were threatening to cut them off. I wanted to do something I could be artistic with. But I was in for a rude awakening because most of the time you end up doing the same three haircuts on EVERYBODY. Seriously, I can do a long-layered cut in my sleep.

Today didn't start off too great, either. I had a hard time falling asleep last night because I had terrible cramps and my stomach was upset, so I only got about three or four hours of sleep before my mom woke me up to... well, just to make me get up. She wakes up at 4 AM so she doesn't understand that not everybody is on her whacked-out, old person sleep schedule. I don't think my mom is old, but she's on the same time clock as retirees living in Boca Raton. And she worked from home today, which I HATE because I don't get five minutes to myself when she's at home.

Sorry, I know this is a total pity-party but I had a really shitty day.


  1. I don't think you're stupid. I think you're just fed up with these numnuts giving you the jerk around. Best of luck woman. There's a job out there for you, I know it. :)

  2. I really am. I have a hard time not being honest with these people- I was a pathological liar as a kid and it too YEARS to break myself of that. It feels like if I lie about ANYTHING I'll slip right back into it. And besides... Why wouldn't they want honesty, anyway? That doesn't make sense to me.

  3. Oh they want honesty. They probably liked that you were honest with them. What they don't agree with is your answer. I don't get it either though because nobody works at CVS and plans to be there forever you know? They've gotta know this too. So someone saying that they are going to stay there for a while is a very obvious lie. Why would you hire someone like that? :/

  4. It's so confusing!

    I've put in a couple more applications, but I'm running out of places to go. I'm edging up towards sixty that I've put in since I moved back mid-July, and I've had 8 interviews. Two of those were second interviews. And I STILL didn't manage to get those jobs.