Earlier today, I was having a conversation with a friend, and I mentioned that I have a new obsession. Nothing new for me, I cycle through them all the time. But when I told her who it was, she made fun of me.
See, I barely understand it myself... I just came to realize this last weekend, while I was driving home from meeting my mom and getting my car back (I had some minor repairs done after a minor accident) and I've been like a giggly schoolgirl ever since... But it's my sexuality and I can't really control it, much as I've tried.
Oh, and... It's Benedict Cumberbatch.
Yep, you heard me. I'm a Cumberbitch.
I know he's strange-looking. In my own words, he's like an alien disguised as a human, only he doesn't have a real grasp of how humans are supposed to look. But he's so talented, and funny, and incredibly sweet... And upon reflection, maybe this is just my weird sense of aesthetics, I actually think there's something quite beautiful about him. Something about the off-putting structure of his face is appealing to me, and it's so hard to put my finger on.
Let's break it down and take a closer look at his face, shall we?
1. Great eyes. I mean, look at them, they're fucking gorgeous and he's got amazing eyelashes.
2. High, extremely prominent cheekbones.
3. Very pink, nicely-shaped lips.
4. Curly hair. I have a serious thing for curls, and I don't really know why, I just like them.
5. He's a natural redhead, and it looks way better on him than the dark brown hair he sports in Sherlock Holmes (the BBC1 series, not the Guy Ritchie movies). You can see it in his eyebrows.
Overall, he's very British-looking, much the same way Matt Smith, David Bowie are, with a slight alien edge to it. Not a bad effect, really, but it's an acquired taste for sure.
Also up for consideration: This video of Benedict reading the children's book, The Little Red Hen, which I remembered from my childhood and I was delighted to hear him read in his very, VERY sexy voice.
I should be used to this by now. But I've never seen anyone get visibly disgusted like that when I mentioned someone I'm attracted to. He's not exactly Brad Pitt, but he works for me. And to be honest, I would be proud if I found someone like Benedict. Hopefully he would be proud of me, too... or at least not embarrassed to be seen in public with this clingy, needy weirdo who wears green lipstick and dyes her hair gray. I would be happy to do that well.
I hope I don't get shit if I do find somebody and he's not to everyone's tastes... That would be heartbreaking.
But honestly, I think this all started because my hormones have been so fucked-up recently. The birth control isn't really helping anymore, and I need to see a doctor up here and try to find another way to control my PCOS. One that won't accelerate weight gain and will keep me in check a little... I'm tired of either being depressed or raging horny all the time. There has to be something better.
It's really getting bad. I had a cyst burst when I was driving home one day, and I honestly thought I was going to die because either it was going to kill me right then or I was going to inadvertently drive off the highway. The pain was incredible... I've only cried from pain six, maybe seven times in my entire life and I was screaming and crying. Not just crying out, like full-on, death metal screaming. It was terrifying. Pain and nausea for about ten straight minutes while my entire torso felt like it was in a vise. Not fun.
But when stuff like that isn't happening, I'm out-of-control horny and I think about sex constantly. It's always there, in the upper recesses of my mind, and I have to work to push it down when I'm with clients because I could end up giving them a weird kind of energy and that wouldn't be good. Especially with male clients, there are already so many other ways that can turn awkward...
And I hate it that, when I'm having an alright day and I have a new thing I want to share with someone, they have to knock me down and tell me it's weird. God forbid I shouldn't want to go vanilla. I hear women in my class talk about dumb apes like Channing "Worst Actor in Hollywood" Tatum and Tim "I Make a Mockery of Real Prayer in the Name of Sports" Tebow, but the second I mention anyone with something interesting about their looks, anyone who doesn't fit the mask, I get jumped on like I'm some sort of freak.
Fuck it, though... In my mind, Benedict is some of the best I've ever had.