Sunday, December 5, 2010

Care to watch me beat a dead horse?

I'm not sure what's been up with me lately.

I've been up and down so many times that I'm getting dizzy. I see something funny, like a movie or something, and it puts in a good mood, then the internet goes down, then it comes back up, then I order Christmas presents, then I order some eyeshadow (my last order from Aromaleigh, I swear!), then I feel guilty, then I get depressed because of something else, then I lose my class ring (still haven't found it, by the way), it just never stops.

I haven't worked since Black Friday, either. My hours were cut yesterday. I don't know when I'll get in again, or when I'll find another job to supplement my income, or if I'll get any more commissions so I can make some money that way... And it doesn't help that my mom is constantly screaming at me because I haven't found anything yet. It's like August and September all over again.

You know how sometimes, you just crave contact with another person, and there's nobody around that you want contact with? I miss having male friends so much. I hated being thrown into a sea of oestrogen when I started cosmetology school- I was drowning in it. When I occasionally would have a guy friend to spend time with, I always felt so much better. I really wish I still had some male energy that doesn't involve a family member to surround myself with. I miss the zero-bullshit conversation, and the fact that I could say ANYTHING and it wouldn't shock them, aside from the fact that they couldn't believe a "good girl" like me would say anything like that. When I was seventeen, and I was around my friends, every other word out of my mouth was "fuck". I don't have that liberty anymore. Now I have to pick and choose who I say certain things to and it's so annoying because it's just a word, you know? We're all adults here, get the fuck over it.

But unfortunately, I can't make things go back to the way they were when I was seventeen. I'm just feeling nostalgic for when my life didn't completely suck shit, I guess. Right now, I feel alone, friendless. And nobody I could tell that to would care. My mom always gives me that old "I don't see my friends either" line (Did any of her friends ditch her and get pregnant by a convicted felon? No.), my brother doesn't speak to his friends much either, and nobody returns my phone calls. I have left no less than thirty voicemails on Pinkie's phone and she hasn't called me back, even after I called her at work and asked her to give me a ring when she got home. I shouldn't have held my fucking breath. I mean, all I wanted was an update, to make sure she was okay, because she hadn't called me in nearly two months. God forbid I should worry, when that former meth addict she hooked up with hates my guts (likewise, motherfucker) and now that she's moved back in with her parents I may not hear from her at all. Especially after she has the baby, and that's only a month or so away.

I know this is an old issue and I shouldn't keep harping on it. Sorry about that.

I've been in a bad mood pretty much all day today. No matter what I did, I couldn't really shake it. I always (and I know this sounds crazy but it's 100% true) have bad days when I don't wear that damn ring. I don't feel right. I'm very aware of it being missing. Probably because it's heavier by itself than the three other rings I'm currently wearing altogether. I know it's here, I just have no idea where to begin... I've already looked in one area and I know it isn't there, and that leaves a good 2/3 of the room unexplored.

I think tomorrow I'll make a run to Target, stop by Bath and Body Works to check my schedule (the ACES website is being a bitch and always gives me a blank screen, so I can't check that way), and then come home and just tear my room apart. It's the only way to find a small object.

Okay... Shutting up now. Later, dudes.

UPDATE!!! Herff-Jones, the company I got my class ring from, has a warranty program that lasts up to six years! It's been four since I got my ring! I may get a new one anyway! Crossing my fingers, dudes!


  1. *HUGS*

    I hope things get better soon and you find your ring.

  2. Aww! You're so sweet!

    I'll find it. It may take me two years, but I'll find the damn thing. I'm considering contacting the company that made it and getting a quote on a new, different one, just to make myself feel better. They make them in rose gold now and I'm obsessed with rose gold!

  3. Rose gold is GORGEOUS. I had mine done in silver; I know I placed it somewhere safe but I can't remember that that safe place was. D:

  4. Silver wasn't an option for the design I got, for some reason. Only yellow and white gold. They've also changed the design name from "Garlands" to "Laurel".

    Yes, I checked.

  5. Haha they offered it in white gold but I was too cheap. :( If I remember design was called the Marquis. It looks like an engagement ring more than it does a class ring.

    Now you've got me seriously wondering about my ring. >_>

  6. Mine didn't look like a class ring, either, unless you really looked closely at it.

    I definitely would've gotten the ring in silver if it had been an option. But it wasn't so I got the next best thing. But if I can get a new one, it'll be totally different. I already went on the design site and picked out each little detail.