I've GOT to stop reading these conspiracy theory websites.

For real. I've been getting obsessed and that is NEVER a good thing.

Some of the things I've read are completely batshit crazy, and the rest is... Well, it's possible.

Sunday night, I read a blog (that I now follow, just to read more and keep up) that is pretty much solely dedicated to unearthing something about the Beatles that is widely believed to be a hoax. Now, my entire life, I was sure the whole "Paul is dead" backmasking thing (more on that here) was just a rumor. Turns out the backmasking IS there, but there are more details I didn't know about. Some quotes:

• "Paul is dead- miss him miss him miss him"
• "Turn me on, dead man"
• "I need some wheels, help me help me help me"
• "Something wrong with my eye" (allegedly Paul was shot through the eye)
• "Worst of all he's in the dark chills, remember this please" (they left the body and had to retrieve it later)
• "Paul took the wrong road" (didn't want to go along with the drug-pushing)
• "He said, 'Get me out, get me out', Paul is Paul is Paul is Hare Krishna it seems Paulie is bloody"
• "Ask the law, Paul is dead, done, lost his head, ask the walrus damn he is dead"

That isn't something I normally put a lot of stock in, but some of those come in crystal clear, so it has to be a bit intentional.

Supposedly, Paul McCartney (the real one) either died in a car accident (which really happened, he crashed his Aston Martin) or he was taken somewhere by someone and shot. His alleged replacement is the man we know as Paul McCartney from August of 1966 onward. There are photo comparisons, vocal analyses, and even fingerprints that don't match. The fake Paul, or "Faul" as he's known on the internet, is believed to be a Canadian policeman named Bill Shepperd, who sang on the White Album. He's the "Billy Shears" that the song "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" refers to.

The worst thing is that the evidence to support the theories is really compelling.

For example, in the very first color pictures of the Beatles, you can clearly see that Paul's eyes were brown. Even in hard light when they'd appear a bit brighter, they were still brown. Nowadays, Paul has green eyes. We've got colored contacts, but did those exist in 1966? I don't really know- one site said 1887 (doubtful) and another said 1981 (sounds right). Case in point:

 His eyes are so dark a brown they're almost black.

As for Bill:

Clearly different. As are his eyebrows- Paul's were wider and had more of a gentle curve, whereas Bill's were shorter, thinner, and much more angular.

The entire facial structure is different, as well. It might be argued that he lost some of his baby fat and it was a result of aging. But one article even mentioned that his palate is wider than when the Beatles first debuted, which, if he were to have undergone surgery to correct his narrow palate, he would've been out of commission for at least a year and he would've suffered a great deal.

So we come to it: Paul VS. "Faul".

The picture on the right is from when "Faul", AKA Billy Shears, AKA Bill Shepperd was first being introduced. For a while, he was just a stand-in when Paul was sick and couldn't perform. There are existing pictures of them both wearing the same outfit on the same day, but it's clearly two different people. This picture, however, has been altered to blur the lines a bit further. This has been done with videos as well.

This is the Paul McCartney we know today. It may be the same person as above, but there may have been multiple "Fauls". This is Billy Shears as well.

The difference here is... astonishing. That couldn't possibly be the same guy. There's only three years' difference between those two shots, and the guy on the right looks ten years older at least!

It's not as hard as you would think to find someone who looks and sounds like another person. Think about Jim Sturgess, "Jude" from the Across the Universe movie. His voice sounds reasonably McCartney-ish, and take a look at him:

Granted, he looks more like Bill than Paul. But the next picture is better.

If that doesn't look like Paul McCartney, I'll go outside right now and eat a gallon of beach sand.

And here we have him in action:

The song actually starts approx. 2:15 in, but the rest is context so it might be worth a view if you haven't seen the movie.

But see? It's not that big a deal.

If it comes to light that this is real, that it's 100% true... I can't even tell you how heartbreaking that would be. Words can't express how much that would hurt. Not just for me, but for the millions of fans who were brought joy by the music these men made together. It might literally kill my mother- I've been dying to discuss it with her but if she sees this stuff and believes it? I couldn't do that to her. I'll let her live in ignorance.

I mean, there are only three things that I've consistently loved my whole life- Sailor Moon, chocolate, and the Beatles. I always kinda thought of them as my uncles, I grew up loving them so much- I even got to visit Uncle Paul at work! Or at least I think I did... And when George Harrison died, my mom told me and I cried for almost an hour. I knew, even at the age of twelve, that the world had lost a truly beautiful person, inside and out. If he had a double (he may have, he suddenly developed a unibrow and his chin looked a wee bit longer into the 70's) he definitely had the least detectable. Save for Ringo's, but let's be honest, who was going to notice anyway? He's Ringo. Very few people, except for hardcore Beatles fans, really gave two shits about the stuff Ringo wrote.

There is some debate as to whether it was the real John Lennon or the double that was killed in 1981. I honestly don't know. But if Paul, George, and Ringo had all been replaced by that point, then certainly John had. And the double was giving interviews that hinted at something- "Everything isn't really what it is, is it?" He may have been eliminated because he was starting to talk. Imagine how the world would've reacted to that! How different things would be if some group controlling the music industry had been exposed. I'm sure that things like that are going on still.

Of course, this also paints the whole Heather Mills situation in a different light. She dragged Paul McCartney's name through the mud for a while after their divorce, but she stopped suddenly. She also talked about a box of evidence that, if she were to be offed, would be opened by the friend who was taking care of it (she never said who) and the contents would be taken to the authorities. I never believed that he would do the things she said he did. Paul McCartney wouldn't. Bill Shepperd might.

I don't know what to believe. But, like I said before, if it's true, it's beyond heartbreaking. We love you, Paul- the real one.

I can't wait to leave this town.

Today, while heading into Wal-Mart to buy a couple of things, I was harassed.

Some skinny redneck, couldn't have been older than 25, was sitting in the bed of his pickup, and when I got out of my car and started for the door, he yelled "Hey, sexy!" at me.

Now, this might not bother other people, but I can't take a real compliment let alone sexual harassment so I yelled "Fuck off!" over my shoulder.

I got my shopping done and went back out to my car- it couldn't have been longer than ten minutes- and he was still out there. He said, "sorry for the disrespect". I said, "Yeah, I'm sure you're real sorry."
"Hey, I was just trying to be nice to your ass!'
"Go fuck your sister, you inbred!" I got in my car, drove to the other side of the parking lot, and went inside to tell someone so that they'd be aware that someone was harassing customers. By the time someone went looking for him, he'd left, but now they know.

This isn't as bad as when G.I. Joe propositioned me, but it's still pretty upsetting. I don't invite that sort of thing- by my age group's standards, I might as well dress like the Church Lady. And it's not like there aren't thousands of smaller, skinnier, cuter girls for him to bother. They'd probably like it.

And this just cements my distaste for guys around my age. That's it. Nobody under 27. If I have to be alone for a few more years then so be it, but I won't deal with anybody who treats me like a piece of property. I may be young but I most certainly am not stupid.

Nobody respond to that last statement...

Just a small update.

I've been in Atlanta the last few days, and I've been sleeping better for it. I also got to hang out with my friend Courtney for the first time in two years, which was great. My stepdad is looking at a house tomorrow, and if it stays at that price, we won't have to sell the house in Panama City before we move, which is AMAZING news. That means I won't have to wait too long before starting school if I get in, or an apprenticeship if I can get it.

Despite all this, I'm a bit upset.

I got a very bizarre, profane voicemail Thursday night. Well, two- one from Uncle Gumby calling me a "motherfuckin' whale motherfuckin' cunt" and another that starts out with Pinkie's younger brother rambling a bit and then the Raging Redneck Asshole she's engaged to (*barf*) picks up. I don't have an exact transcription, but it goes something like this:

"Hey, you fat fuckin' orgasm bitch (1). I just wanted to let you know that I hate you, my wife hates you, she ain't never heard from you (2), my fuckin' baby hates you (3), and I hope you die very soon. You're boring as shit, you don't know shit, because you are nothing more than a piece of shit. Have a nice life in that fucked-up head of yours. This is (*name here*) (4). So, peace out, bitch."

Something like that. So I dialed Pinkie's number and left her one last voicemail:

"Hey, this is Sarah. I just got a nice fucking voicemail from (*name*) and I just wanted to say that if you want some shit said to me, you can say it yourself instead of getting (*name*) to do it from a blocked number. I know this more than likely won't get heard but this will be the last time I call. Goodbye."

So, I'm done. I'm tired. I was upset for about ten minutes, and then not talking to Pinkie anymore was suddenly a much easier pill to swallow.

Unless it relates to something I'm talking about or she decides to contact me, I won't mention her much anymore.

Anyway, that's all for now. Later.

(1)- Um... What?
(2)- Bull-fucking-shit. I've called her a thousand times and sent her messages and everything. I even sent her ass a birthday card.
(3)- I'm pretty sure that babies aren't capable of hatred. I'm no expert but that doesn't make sense, a baby hating anyone.
(4)- Big mistake, dipshit. I could press charges with that voicemail.

An open letter to anyone who'e ever come to PCB for vacation.

Hey, everybody.

Look. I'm not saying each and every person that comes down here is a total asshole. Some people are nice and I was a tourist once, too.

BUT. I know I never treated anyone the way some of you treat us locals. I didn't go around screaming "WOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of my lungs, nor did my mom and stepdad rev their engines at other drivers, nor did we act like a bunch of stupid, spoiled douche canoes in public.

Also, what is up with those weird Viking horns everyone keeps blowing? I thought I was insane until someone else told me they'd been hearing them!

Traffic is bad, gas has gone up in price, and I have to drive across the bridge if I want to do anything because Pier Park is a fucking nightmare because it's full of college students who can't be bothered to wear anything other than bathing suits in public, even when they're eating in a nice restaurant. And there's not really anything to do in town, but if I don't leave the house for at least an hour a day, I get my ass chewed out by my parents.

Anyway... All that aside, I understand wanting to have a good time. Really. Just have some respect, okay?

Damn it all!

I have ONE WEEK LEFT to get my shit cleaned up. I can't believe it's taken me so long, I hate myself for procrastinating!

Why have I got to do this? Because my stepdad is putting the house on the market. And I'm really awful about not putting things away. I wish my mom had just let me keep everything packed away when I moved back because I knew this was a possibility. I'm SO STUPID!

I have to really force myself to work tomorrow. I'm sure I can get this done in two or three days if I force myself. I just have to make myself start. I'm like this with exercise too.

I've also been looking at esthetics schools in Atlanta, and I have a couple of places to look at in a few weeks when we're up there. I hope I can get a paycheck in before then, but I'm not holding my breath because EVERYBODY at the store has worked except me. I've got to go back and beg Ann for some hours. Spring Break is starting this week and I'd like that to work to my advantage for once since I moved to this God-forsaken shithole of a tourist trap we call a city. I would rather live two doors down from Disney World in Orlando because at least I'd have more shit to do there. Here, it's always full of people and yet there is fuck all to do.

Why do people travel to Panama City? Why does anyone live here? Everyone goes on about us having "the world's most beautiful beaches" but that's a big pile of fly-ridden horseshit. Yeah, they're gorgeous under all the garbage and gigantic tourists in tiny bathing suits. Oh, and the huge gobs of seaweed. That's great. And we seem to attract the bottom of the barrel. Or, to quote Penny Arcade, "It's as if the bottom had its own barrel that dripped down into a sewer infested with rats." And the worst part is that the worst of the worst are from my home state, Georgia. Not all of them, but the rule is, they're fucking rude. And they don't seem to know how sunscreen works.

Enough ranting for now. I need to go to bed soon so I can get up and WORK. Damn it.

A Review- "Let England Shake" by Polly Jean Harvey

That's right, I'm reviewing an album. I won't do it often, just when something really strikes me and I feel like sharing my thoughts.

I was extremely excited when I heard about this record. I've been a PJ Harvey fan since I was fourteen and I've followed her closely ever since I got a copy of Uh Huh Her for my birthday. I immediately fell in love and within six months I'd bought nearly all her records.

This is an album I can imagine being a favorite, it's very rare that I like all the tracks on a CD. Her voice is different, her sound is different... I love it.

So... Let England Shake. I'll be going through track-by-track and giving my thoughts about each, rather than just summarizing it.

*****

1. "Let England Shake" - This song uses a sample from "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" by Jimmy Kennedy and Nat Simon as the base for its melody, to surprisingly good results. It's bouncy and folky, but you can feel the darkness creeping in at the edges. It sets the tone perfectly and neither lulls you into false security, nor does it jar your nerves before dropping off.

2. "Last Living Rose" - It starts with a couple of low-end thumps on a guitar before slipping into a jangly, gorgeous melody. The first words are "Goddamn Europeans!", which strikes me as inordinately entertaining; she is British, after all. Short and sweet and full of sunlight, but bitter at the same time.

3. "The Glorious Land" - In the background of the hazy, gray-tinged sound, there's the bright trumpeting of a bugle, the sample interspersed throughout. The song is so evocative of the dank, foggy hills at night, in terms of the sound, and the words are so... sarcastic, almost disgusted. "How is our glorious country plowed? / Not by iron plows / Our land is plowed by tanks and feet / Feet marching".

4. "The Words That Maketh Murder" - One of my favorite tracks. Again, the bouncy, jangly music lies to you in terms of how dark the song is. "I have seen and done things I want to forget / Soldiers fell like lumps of meat". The background vocals are performed by John Parrish (awesome) and Mick Harvey (awesome-er) and the whole thing is just... perfect. The song ends with the vocals repeating, "What if I take my problem to the United Nations? / What if I take my problem to the youth of the nation?", joyous and horrific all at once. Amazing.

5. "All and Everyone" - I had an extreme reaction to this song. It chokes me up every time I hear it (even now, I'm listening to each track) and I'm not really sure why. The chorus until the very end is "As we advance in / In the sun / As we advance in / Every man", when it suddenly switches to "As we advance in / Sing 'Death to them all, every one' ", and tears start burning my eyes at that point. Something about this track makes me hear the ghosts of people who have died in battle and I don't like that. But at the same time, I would call this a standout track because it's so beautiful. I love it when things make me emote, force any kind of feeling out of me.

6. "On Battleship Hill" - This one is another shapeshifter. It starts off with a guitar melody that reminds of an overcast day in the summer, before suddenly becoming stark, just voice and low-end guitar, then moving back. It wouldn't sound out of place on the Bad Seeds' No More Shall We Part, but the theme is very different. "Cruel nature has won again" is repeated throughout, which is a phrase that resonated deeply with me. I just thought it sounded beautiful, and true, really.

7. "England" - Here, Miss Polly is trying her hand at yodeling, to interesting results, "I live and die through England". Probably the most folky of all the songs. She sings of people stagnating "like water or air" and expresses her "Undaunted, never-failing love for you / England / Is all to which I cling". Beautiful.

8. "In the Dark Places" - Not a million miles away from some of Uh Huh Her, but it's got its own energy. It's another song about men going to battle and not coming home, but that's the central theme of the entire album, so, no big deal.

9. "Bitter Branches" - The words here draw indirect comparisons between soldiers' arms and tree branches, which is interesting. It's very short and fades out with the words "Wave goodbye" repeating.

10. "Hanging in the Wire" - It's almost hard to realize that the words (poetically) are describing dead bodies hanging in barbed wire; "Just unburied ghosts / Hanging in the wire". This is where the quieter moments of Uh Huh Her meet White Chalk.

11. "Written on the Forehead" - This has another sample; "Blood and Fire" by Winston "Niney" Holness. This seems like it's more about England's invasion of another country, but I could be wrong. Either way, it's great.

12. "The Colour of Earth" - Another track with Parrish featured heavily. Or Mick Harvey, they sound similar. The words were inspired by a letter written by an actual soldier in the Gallipoli invasion, giving them more weight. It's a very compelling track.

*****

Okay, so there you have it. I hope I interest someone in giving this album a listen. Hell, give ALL her albums a listen.

It's records like this that make me so irritated when people compare Polly Harvey to Patti Smith. No. Just... No. She's a far superior artist- she's evolved more and produced a higher percentage of quality work since 1991 than Smith ever has since 1975. She's also a more appealing person and doesn't put politics into everything. I wouldn't call this a political album because it was largely inspired by wars that happened a long time ago and focuses more on her home country's involvement rather than war at large.

I would also like to say to every hyper-political musician that thinks everyone cares about their opinion: Shut the fuck up. Unless you're M.I.A. and you've actually seen some shit, just keep your mouth shut. I'm looking at YOU Green Day, and YOU, Pearl Jam, and especially YOU, Bono. Get over yourselves.

Anyway... There it is. I strongly recommend this album. Check it out.

Honestly, I'm kind of surprised.

I was expecting to be super-angry and depressed today, it being Valentine's Day, my least favorite day of the year.

It's so weird. Maybe it's because I had something to look forward to- a new PJ Harvey album called Let England Shake is coming out tomorrow!

Pictured: Awesomeness!

Maybe it's because I've been pre-occupied with other shitty things that have been going on. I don't know.

Last year, though... that shit was ROUGH. Literally every customer in the store, in addition to all my co-workers, constantly reminding me of everything I wanted and (seemingly) couldn't have. I was lonely, I still am. I just didn't have it constantly shoved down my throat the way I would have had I been working recently, I guess. I was allowed to forget about it.

Although, truth be told, I still wish this stupid, commercial holiday would go away. Seriously, if you need a special day to tell others that you love them, THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU. AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

In closing... I hope at least somebody enjoyed today.

That's all for now. PEACE OUT, Y'ALL!  (<--- bad Futurama reference)

I should probably just give up now.

So, out of desperation, I checked Pinkie's Myspace page and saw that she'd been on about a week before. I sent her a message on February 1st so that maybe I'd be able to open some kind of communication with her. I've been worried sick for nearly five months and not one call has been returned, all thirty-odd voicemails have gone unanswered... I want to know what's going on. I logged on last night to see if she'd replied, and she read the message and didn't send anything back.

I know it's stupid, but I guess I keep hoping that maybe I'll have one friend in Georgia when I move back that doesn't work constantly and isn't about to leave the country. Apparently that's too much to ask.

I mean... What, does she just not want to be friends anymore? Would it have been so hard to hit reply and type "bitch, stop calling me"? Or to dial my number (which is in her contact book in her phone) and tell me that? I know she's got that, whatdoyoucallit... baby, but thirty seconds is all it would take.

Maybe her parents or her fiancee (God, it makes me so ill to even think about that) are policing what she does, controlling her phone use. It's happened before. Her mom used to get on her Myspace and monitor her activity like she was an unruly twelve-year-old. Her fiancee (*barf*) sees her as a possession. She dug herself quite a hole.

I know, I know, I should just give up. I just feel like I worked really hard to keep that friendship going and I don't want to let go of it. And I'm so tired of having to work that hard. Having to keep doing favors for people just so they won't leave me. Not that I really mind doing things for people, I just hate feeling like it's necessary in order to keep people around. Driving people around, giving them stuff (usually things I don't want anymore or things I lend that just never get returned), occasionally buying their food... It gets tiring. Especially when you make less money than they do but somehow end up spending more on them than they do on themselves when you're out.

As if this week didn't suck enough.


That's all for now, but expect a mega-rant on Valentine's Day. I've got enough bile to fill an ocean at the moment.

I knew I loved her!

"I think everyone’s bisexual to some degree or another; it’s just a question of whether or not you choose to recognize it and embrace it. Personally, I think choosing between men and women is like choosing between cake and ice cream. You’d be daft not to try both when there are so many different flavours."

-Bjork

My sentiments exactly!

What a cool lady. I always admired how upfront she was about her sexuality. She talked about it, wrote about it, and made no secrets about it. One of her videos, "Pagan Poetry", featured footage of her and her boyfriend Matthew Barney (awesome artist, by the way) having sex, animated over with white and black lines and made abstract;

Once you know what it is, it's kind of obvious, but I went YEARS without figuring that out. Me being naive and inexperienced might have something to do with it.

Anyway... This is basically a filler post, but I thought I should write something, so... mission accomplished!

I've been lazy about posting lately.

I can't believe I did it, but- after spending about $20 on nail polish in the past two weeks (I wish I was kidding but I'm not)- I broke down and placed a couple of small orders.

I'm still waiting on packages from Meow Cosmetics, Evil Shades, Shiro Cosmetics, and One Hand Washes the Other, and now I've got stuff from Fyrinnae (which I'm admittedly excited about, I can't wait to see if it lives up to the hype) and Aromaleigh (LAST ORDER EVER) coming.

And after that, unless it's some super-amazing deal or I get a windfall in some form or I get a new job, I'm putting myself on a makeup-buying freeze. I have $260 to my name and I'd like to stretch that a bit more just so I feel a little secure.

So why, after losing my regular job, did I order all this stuff? Well, it sounds like more than it is, so let me try and rationalize this for my own conscience:

1.  Meow Cosmetics- It's all samples. All of it. Thirty-something samples. I should get it this week.

2. Evil Shades- I got one full-size eyeshadow, one Hardcore lipgloss, and a sample of their Deviant lipstick. Less than $20.

3. Shiro Cosmetics- I got ten samples and five of her new colored lip balms, the Intertubes. I wanted to get some new colors to try and I thought the Intertubes would be good for summer so I don't have to wear gooey lipgloss all the time.

4. One Hand Washes the Other- More tinted, glittery, gorgeous lip balms. I had three already that I loved, and I decided to get some more. There's one color I don't have that I want, in lavender. I also got a sample of her Black Magic soap to test drive.

5. Aromaleigh- A "rainbow" grab bag- she had some color-coded bags listed on her website with tons of pretty things inside them and I thought, what the Hell. I love my Aromaleigh shadows.

6. Fyrinnae- I have wanted to try this stuff since I first heard about it. Especially the Pixie Epoxy. So I ordered four samples, the full-size epoxy, and a full-size lip lustre.


So... there you have it. I think I can hold off for a while with all that coming to me.

In other news, I started a diet so maybe at least by this time next year I'll weigh what I'm supposed to. I've been cheating a little but as long as I'm eating better than I was I think I'll be alright.

Anyway...


That's all I've really got right now. Later.